


Painless

by mariadperiad20



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Eggsy Unwin, Canon-Typical Violence, Eggsy Unwin Whump, Eventual Harry Hart | Galahad/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, Harry Hart Lives, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Merlin is a Little Shit (Kingsman), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rentboy Eggsy Unwin, he has both eyes because reasons, he's a walking trauma, reasons being i forgot and dont want to change it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:35:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21740737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariadperiad20/pseuds/mariadperiad20
Summary: It wasn’t supposed to go like this.The mission had seemed pretty straightforward. Easy, even. Get in, get the flashdrive with the weapons code, get out. It was supposed to be a small time mission, people who didn’t know what it was they were holding in their cocaine-covered hands.It was supposed to be quick.More importantly, Eggsy reflected as a steel-toed, booted foot landed squarely on his already-cracked ribs, ripping his breath away, it was supposed to be painless.
Relationships: Gary "Eggsy" Unwin/Original Male Character(s), Harry Hart | Galahad/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Comments: 60
Kudos: 191





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

The mission had seemed pretty straightforward. Easy, even. Get in, get the flashdrive with the weapons code, get out. It was supposed to be a small time mission, people who didn’t know what it was they were holding in their cocaine-covered hands.

It was supposed to be quick.

More importantly, Eggsy reflected as a steel-toed, booted foot landed squarely on his already-cracked ribs, ripping his breath away, it was supposed to be painless.

\-----  


Eggsy was tapping his fingers on the table. It was a bit of a habit, nervous energy radiating off of him whenever he had to sit still in one of these long, suspiciously not-circular, Arthur tables. Merlin - he refused to be called Arthur - was sitting at the head of the table - once again, why was it not a circle? They went whole hog on everything else myth-related. It seemed a bit of a cop out. A subtle reminder of people’s places.

Or, maybe Eggsy was just too used to having to fight for a spot at the table. Being forced to see the inequality everywhere in his life meant now, he could never stop seeing it. Roxie being one of the only girls - no, women, he corrected himself - at the table being a prime example, of course. His being the only one who didn’t speak posh, too.

Merlin was watching Eggsy unblinkingly, silent.

They were waiting for Harry. Roxie was off on a mission in the Bahamas, lucky bastard, doing some intel on a potential new drug operation starting up there. Eggsy couldn’t complain too much, though.

It did mean he got to see more of Harry.

Harry, whose calm presence was the only thing able to stop Eggsy’s anxious tapping to stop, completely and totally grounding in everything he did. When he looked at Eggsy, it felt like he _saw_ him more than anyone else. Harry, with those unreadable eyes that Eggsy swore would be watching him when he wasn’t looking. Harry was… well, he was Harry.

Eggsy wasn’t daft - he knew that Harry didn’t view them as equals. He might treat them that way, because that was the ‘gentlemanly’ thing to do, but facts down, Harry was still… well, a gentleman. Eggsy could shrug into a suit and put it on just fine, but the suit came off, for him. The act was just an act, a mission objective to fulfill.

It was fun, actually, getting to play pretend a rich boy, drinking champagne that cost more than a month’s rent, cosying up to a mark that was dripping in clothes that could put Daisy through college.

But sometimes, it just felt… wrong. Lavish for the sake of lavish, indulging past the point of gluttony. It was for the job, sure, but it left him feeling slimy, disgusted. It seemed ironic that after living… well, the life he’d lived thus far, that something as insignificant as an expensive drink was enough to make him feel that way. As if he didn’t have enough reasons to be disgusted with himself already.

But whenever he felt that way, it seemed like Harry was somehow always there. After the mission to debrief, looking at him with those impenetrable eyes, in the halls, at the mission table… it made Eggsy feel like he could ease back into his own skin. Like the wrongness of it could simply slide off of him.

Eggsy never said he wasn’t a walking oxymoron. But, that seemed to be a trend where Kingsman were concerned.

When Harry did enter the room, it was with his usual grace, walking to sit at his place across from Eggsy. He glanced at Eggsy, eyes warm - or was that Eggsy’s imagination, again? - before turning to face Merlin.

Merlin, who had flipped open his folder the moment Harry sat down, cleared his throat.

“Now that we are all here.”

The three of them sat on the edge of the comically long not-round table, and Eggsy flashed Harry a grin. Harry’s mouth twitched in response, before refocusing on Merlin.

“Our next mission is for Eggsy.”

Eggsy reached out to take the file automatically. Merlin glanced down at his hands, and, Eggsy realized, he had stopped tapping. Sure, it could pass for being because the meeting was finally starting, but Eggsy knew the real reason, and hoped that his features were schooled enough to not give it away.

Harry always could calm him down, by presence alone.

It would be sweet, if only it wasn’t so pathetic.

Eggsy lifted up the front page of the file, scanning it.

“Drug traffickers with a weapons flashdrive? Seems a bit out of their league.”

“That’s the problem.” Merlin frowned. “They seem to have gotten ahold of something way above their expertise. Their not knowing the danger of it is a two-edged sword. They won’t know to protect it, but they’ll also gladly unload it on whoever offers them an arbitrary price for it. It’s imperative we get on this, fast, before they sell it.”

“Or, someone takes it from them.” Harry added, now frowning as well.

Eggsy flipped through another few pages. “What’s the objective? Get in there and steal it, or buy it off of them?”

Merlin and Harry exchanged a glance. Eggsy placed the folder down, leaning back slightly. “Guys?”

“We-”

Harry shot Merlin a glare.

“I,” Merlin amended, “Thought it would be best if you get in and steal it.”

“Okay.” Eggsy shrugged. It didn’t seem like that big of a concern, he’d done this sort of thing dozens - okay, like 8 - times already, but the way Harry was shooting daggers at Merlin was enough to give him pause.

“What’s the catch?”

Harry spoke this time, cutting off Merlin. “You’re going in without backup. And we don’t have any inside intel. At all. You’re flying completely blind.” They seemed to be talking to each other more than him.

“Not completely.” Merlin cut in, “We know that this needs to be dealt with immediately. That is information we need to consider, Galahad.” Yep, no, they were definitely not talking to him.

“Not when it comes to-” Harry paused, “We are supposed to make these cases reasonably safe for our agents. I don’t think someone as inexperienced as Eggsy should be the one to go in.”

“Oh.” Eggsy spoke up, “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” It came out a bit sharper than he meant to.

He knew he and Harry weren’t equals, he _knew_ that. Of course he didn’t have the same level of experience as them. Of course he wasn’t as good of an agent. But hearing Harry say it so casually, so matter-of-fact, _hurt_.

More than Eggsy cared to admit.

“We don’t question your capabilities, Eggsy-” Harry began, but Eggsy interrupted him.

“Then there’s no problem with it, yeah? I’ll do my job, that’s that.” He turned to Merlin, ignoring the way he could feel Harry’s eyes on him. “When do I leave?”

Merlin checked his watch. “Three hours, 18 minutes.”

“Great. Where’s the rest of the info?” Eggsy asked, tapping the file.

“That’s all we have.” Merlin admitted, Harry throwing him another glare.

“Oh, right. No problem. I’ll go get ready.” Eggsy stood, pretending the file didn't have a scant 6 pages to it. Least it meant less he had to memorize. “Unless there’s anything else?”

“No, no, that’s it.” Merlin nodded his dismissal. Harry remained seated, and Eggsy made a hasty exit, hearing the sound of their voices slowly rising as he left.

Harry didn’t think he was ready for a mission. Since when? Eggsy’d done just fine when he’d thought… thought Harry had… Eggsy shook his head. He wasn’t going to think about that.

He was never going to think about that again.

The sound of that gunshot haunted his fucking dreams.

He wasn’t going to think about it. He wasn’t going to think about it. _He wasn’t going-_ shit. Eggsy’s fingers were tapping the file rapidly, and he swore he could feel himself slipping into that panicked space that _he’s not supposed to go into, don’t go there, it’s not fun for anyone and he can’t blank out that’s when Daisy or his mum could get hurt, he has to pull it together-_

JB was bumping at his ankle.

Eggsy picked him up with one hand, sticking the file under his arm so he could pat his head.

“Such a good boy. Yes you are. Yes you are.”

JB’s tail wagged, and Eggsy smiled. He’d ended back up in his room - thank god, he had managed to get back here from muscle memory. It would’ve been hard to explain if he’d just frozen on the spot.

Nothing had happened. He was fine. He hadn’t blanked out. He hadn’t… he hadn’t panicked.

Everything was fine. He had a mission to get ready for.

He would succeed, he would secure the flashdrive. Show Harry that he was capable. And maybe, eventually, Harry would see that Eggsy was truly deserving of the spot at the table.

If Harry believed in him, maybe Eggsy would be able to, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave comments! They are very encouraging and wonderful <3


	2. Chapter 2

Eggsy was fiddling with his cufflinks as he waited for the taxi. Even though the drug ring was small-time, their clientele was classy - in a trust-fund-baby kind of way. They were definitely going to be a long-term concern, Eggsy was sure. But for now, their priority was getting rid of the immediate problem - the weapons drive. They could take down the ring later, if they got enough intel, and assuming there was a good enough reason.

Subjective criteria, in Eggsy's opinion, but no one had asked for it. Didn't stop him from doing so to Merlin, though.

Eggsy heard footsteps coming up behind him, recognizing them instantly as Harry’s. He turned his head, trying to keep the warring emotions - happiness to see him, anger at being considered not ready, the crushing, depressing knowledge that Harry would never see him the way Eggsy saw him - from showing on his face.

Just regular, fun, completely normal emotions to feel for a super-spy coworker. His hands dropped into his trouser pockets.

Harry was as collected as ever, a slight tension in his shoulders the only indication he had something to say.

“Eggsy,” Harry nodded at him in greeting, eyes their standard unreadable.

Eggsy half-heartedly smiled back, feeling how fake it was even to him. Thankfully, Harry pretended it wasn't as clearly awkward as it must have been.

Harry stood there silently, seeming to hesitate. Eggsy idly wondered if he was going to say something meaningful, some important addition for the mission. Or, maybe something endearing, a reassurement that he valued Eggsy’s skills, or that he had faith in him. Something, anything.

Instead, all that came out was an abrupt, “Oh, there’s the taxi. I’ll be seeing you back once the mission is over.”

“Y-yeah.” Eggsy nodded dumbly, walking to the taxi and awkwardly opening the door. When he looked up, Harry was already leaving.

Swallowing back a goodbye, Eggsy got into the car, closing the door. The driver pulled away from the curb, and Eggsy closed his eyes, mentally reciting everything from the file, fingers beginning to tap on the car seat as they began to drive.

Everything was going to be fine.

\-------

Finding the drug ring was surprisingly easy.

In hindsight, too easy.

But Eggsy was bound and determined to show Harry that yes, he was capable of going into a blind mission. It was his first, sure, but it wasn’t going to be his last. Couldn't be, not with their numbers already down.

It hadn't escaped Eggsy's notice that Roxie had, while not been given a blind mission, had gotten ones that were definitely less-intel heavy than he ever had. He was sure that, if she had been at the meeting, Merlin would have assigned the case to her in a heartbeat. Eggsy tried not to take it personally - after all, she had passed the test properly. He'd sort of... sidelined his way in.

Maybe that was why Harry didn't believe in him. He hadn't earned his way in like the rest of them.

The thought of that _hurt_ , more than Eggsy cared to admit.

This mission would be fine, though. In and out. And then it was back to pretending to not be looking at Harry at the base. And that Merlin didn’t have eyes. And that he was an equal member of Kingsman.

Still, the priority for right now was to find the flashdrive. Recover if possible, destroy if not. Thankfully, because of encryption-something-something that Eggsy didn’t entirely understand, the files couldn’t actually be copied. So there was only one.

Yep. One flashdrive in the entirety of London. This would be a cakewalk.

It helped that the drugs from the ring were currently the hottest thing in University of Oxford parties.

“Oxford, not Brogues.” Eggsy muttered under his breath, as he walked into the house. He was dressed to the nines, and his posh affectation got him through the door easily, blending in with all the rich, barely-legal adults currently doing lines off each other. His glasses gave no reply, although Eggsy liked to imagine that Harry had smiled at that.

Merlin’s “upgrades” were a work in progress, meaning that his glasses were giving a feed to Merlin, and possibly Harry, but for him, it was just normal glasses. It was a one-way transmission. Just another part of the no-backup adventure he was currently embarking on. At least the tracker in them still worked, too. Hypothetically - Merlin hadn't seemed entirely confident in it.

From there, it was just following the person who offered to buy more drugs - who knew people could go through so much cocaine in one night? - to a street, and from there, following the dealer on the rooftops back to their base of operations.

Eggsy was seriously considering the look on Harry’s face if he showed up before the sun had even come up, flashdrive in hand. He’d maybe even be impressed.

Eggsy slipped down the side of the building’s awning, through a broken windowpane, dropping to the floor against a wall. The upside to being a small operation - they still used things like abandoned warehouses in the middle of lots of abandoned warehouses. Less risk of civilian intervention -or witnesses- that way for them. The bigger operations were able to just scare off anyone who was around.

Also meant less ways of explaining away his presence, but the lack of cops evened it out a bit, too.

All in all, there was a pretty easy go of it, at least in terms of environment.

Eggsy looked around the warehouse, letting his eyes adjust. Definitely a drug ring, and it was humming with activity, but he only saw a handful of people - 7, looked like. He'd taken down far more, in far more intense situations. He touched the handle of his gun, wishing he had his umbrella on him but he’d, unfortunately, not been able to bring it. The weather was too nice for it, apparently.

 _The one time it’s sunny…_ Eggsy commiserates, beginning to stealth towards the congregation. He was actually packing light all around - he had two guns, his watch, and his ring, but that was it. Everything else was too obvious, would draw too much attention. Eggsy'd gone into a mission with less, but with this little intel, he was a bit more leery of it. The plan itself was straightforward enough: he takes them out, tries to find the flashdrive. If he can’t find it, shake one of them until they tell him. If they’ve already sold it… well, he’d just keep working from there. He was just being paranoid.

One of the members looked up, eyes locking on him, before giving a shout. The others turned around, catching sight of Eggsy.

The game was on.

Eggsy brought up his gun, firing bullets into two of them right off the bat. Didn’t matter if he killed them - they were both dressed as dealers. Low on the ring's food chain, wouldn't have any info.

The other five reacted… more calmly than he had expected, actually. They reached under the tables they were standing around, pulling out - _shit_.

They had stun guns. And while the suit was bulletproof, it was only electricity-resistant. The limitations of the fabric, Harry had explained.

They knew he was coming. They must have - why else would a drug ring pull out incapacitating weapons instead of lethal ones?

Fuck.

Eggsy ducked behind a crate as they fired, cursing under his breath and wishing that he had some specs, something, anything, from his glasses. Hell, he’d take Merlin singing that fucking country song he was always threatening to do if it meant he could know what was going on.

He peeked up over the top of the crate, throwing a few shots and managing to take down two more. Three were still standing, and - Eggsy rolled out of the way as one of them lunged from the side, having approached too close for comfort. He scrambled back, managing another shot, but missing, only clipping his arm - fuck, how could he miss? Merlin was never going to let him hear the end of it.

Suddenly, there was a feeling of something hitting his shoulder, followed immediately by a burst of pain.

Eggsy cried out, dropping his gun as his muscles spasmed, fingers flexing around air uselessly. A second bolt hit his back, sending him to his knees. He reached up to grasp at his shoulder, pulling the bolt out with his hand, trying to stagger to his feet. A foot struck him in the back, sending him crashing forward onto the floor, glasses skidding off his face.

He felt something make contact with his ribs, and he gasped in pain, curling up in defense as he tried to push himself off the floor. Another person pushed him down with their leg easily. Eggsy struggled against it, but froze when the telltale sound of a gun cocking sounded, echoing in the warehouse.

“Little fucker shot me.” One of them cursed, kicking at Eggsy’s exposed side.

“Let’s make it two for two.” Eggsy grinned, before groaning in pain as the bolt in his back was roughly ripped out.

“Listen here, you little piece of-”

“Enough.” Another voice spoke, as a pair of hands grabbed Eggsy by the collar, pulling his face up.

Eggsy shot him a smirk.

The man slapped him. Hard. Eggsy's teeth caught the edge of his mouth, and blood began to well up almost immediately.

“You are here for the drive, right?” The man asked, voice thick with a northern accent.

Eggsy kept his mouth firmly shut.

The man slapped him again. He didn’t seem to be the patient type.

“Who are you with?”

“Three of the ugliest blokes I’ve ever seen-” Eggsy began.

One of the other two kicked him in the ribs again, and Eggsy bit his lip to stifle his cry of pain.

This was bad.

He didn’t know where the glasses were, but he hoped that they were working enough to get a location on. Assuming that even worked.

“We will make you tell us.” He warned, grip tightening.

Eggsy would have laughed, except there was blood in his mouth and he didn’t want to advertise that he was any more wounded than he already was.

It was bad enough he was down - if he could get his hand on his watch, he’d be able to take them out. His hands scrabbled for purchase on the ground, trying to push himself up enough to be able to use it, but one of them grabbed one of his arms, twisting it behind his back.

The man in front of him - the guy in charge, seemed like - smiled at him sharkily, before shifting his hands to grip Eggsy’s head. Then, without warning, he slammed it down.

His head smashed against the concrete floor, hard. Eggsy groaned in pain, spots dancing across his vision.

“I’m not… with anyone,” Eggsy slurred, “I’m… here for drugs. I'm a student at Oxford, I don’t know what drive you’re talking about-”

“Don’t lie to me.” The leader stood up, any hint of rage gone. He spoke calmly, almost casually. He adjusted his jacket’s sleeves as he spoke. “You may be more forthcoming with me once these two are done with you.” He turned around, walking away from them, Eggsy craning his neck to try to see where he was headed, but one of them pushed his head back down. The floor was sticky with blood from where his head had made contact with it, and Eggsy hoped that it felt worse than it was.

“You two. Have fun. Just make sure he’s still able to talk, got it?” The leader called over his shoulder as his footsteps faded away.

Well. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are very much appreciated if you like :D


	3. Chapter 3

Since the two men currently kicking the shit out of him weren’t eager to introduce themselves, Eggsy decided that the one with the steel-toed boots was TJ, and the one with the black boots was Dan.

Really, who wore steel-plated shoes to sell cocaine? It seemed unusual. There was something… off… about this whole thing. The fact they’d managed to get him down at all was enough to make it suspicious.

Not that Eggsy was the best Kingsman out there - on the contrary, Harry’s reminder that he wasn’t good enough was ringing in his ears, reminding him that Harry hadn’t thought he could handle it.

Eggsy hoped he hadn’t been right.

Which was why he was currently trying to figure out a way to get his hand on his wrist. He could get out of this unfortunate situation, and try to salvage the mission even, if only he could activate his watch.

His watch was on his left hand, which was currently pinned under his sternum. Every time he tried to shift to pull it towards his right hand, however, Dan or TJ would land another kick to his side, winding him.

His already cracked, probably broken, ribs were aching, and he gritted his teeth against the pain as he forced his arm to the side, reaching for his watch-

TJ stepped on his hand, pinning it in place with just the wrong amount of pressure. Eggsy craned his head upwards, enough to see the man grin at him, before grinding down on it with his heel.

Eggsy heard his bones snap. Heard himself scream in agony. Heard his watch, ticking away, a few scant inches from his now-mangled hand.

Dan grabbed Eggsy by the back of his jacket, pulling him up to his knees. The movement sent a jolt of pain bursting through his chest, before fading to a constant, agonizing throb. Eggsy gasped for breath, unable to get enough air into his lungs. Hopefully, hopefully they weren’t punctured. He wouldn’t last long, if that was the case.

Eggsy brought up his broken hand, cradling it to his broken chest, trying to force himself to see through the pain. He had to keep himself alert, had to get himself out of this.

“Look, fellas,” Eggsy coughed wetly. That was bad. “I don’t know what you think is going on, alright? Let me off, and we can pretend this didn’t happen. I’ll buy my drugs somewhere else, yeah?”

TJ walked around to face Eggsy, still with that stupid smile on his face. He leaned down, placing his hand on Eggsy’s shoulder. With the other, he punched Eggsy in the stomach, hard.

Eggsy coughed up blood.

That was very, very bad.

“Look, we all know that’s not what you’re here for, okay? Drop the act.”

“There’s no act-”

TJ punched him again, and Eggsy couldn’t quite bite back the groan of pain that slipped through his gritted teeth.

“You _will_ tell us who sent you.”

“No one sent me.” Eggsy braced himself for the punch as TJ wound back.

It never came.

Instead, TJ was running his hand from his shoulder to the neck of his tie lightly, untucking it from his suit jacket. Eggsy stared at him through eyes squinted against the pain, warily watching as he tugged at it casually. Then, staring Eggsy straight in the eyes, he jerked it up. Eggsy’s head jolted up as TJ raised the tie up, until his neck was straining, and his breath coming out in wheezing gasps. When Eggsy was able to breathe at all, that is.

“We can _make_ you.” TJ said, voice oddly calm - a mix of patronizing and, almost, warmth. Like it was an invitation for tea, not a threat of the pain that was sure to come.

Not that it was fooling anyone.

“Like to see you try, bruv.” Eggsy rasped out, grinning through what was at this point probably blood-stained teeth. At this point, the only thing keeping him upright was Dan’s grip on his jacket back, and the tie currently cutting off his air supply. His body was aching, and Eggsy wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball- ideally, Harry would swoop in, guns blazing, taking these fuckheads out. Then, after they were dead and they were alone, Harry would hold him, tell him that he forgave him for so massively fucking up this mission, while all the pain magically melts away at his gentle, but firm touch. Harry would look at him with those eyes that seemed to see so much-

Eggsy felt something hit his back, and he fell forwards, his working hand barely catching himself before he faceplanted into the concrete floor. TJ didn’t let up on his grip on his tie, letting Eggsy choke. He couldn’t take his hand up to relieve the pressure, because it was the only thing keeping him even slightly upright.

After a moment, TJ let it drop. Eggsy’s head immediately dropped, hanging low as he gasped in lungfuls of air, ignoring the burning pain of _something’s wrong_ long enough to not pass out. Blood from the impact wound on his forehead dripped onto the floor.

Fuck. He was getting distracted. He had to stay aware, had to find a way out. Harry wasn’t going to be coming to get him - Eggsy didn’t even know if his glasses were still working, or where they were. Even if they were, there was no guarantee that anyone would be able to come and get him. _Or want to._ Eggsy didn’t want to think about that, but it hovered around the corners of his thoughts. _They aren’t coming to get you._ Even if he knew they could, why would they? One of the whole things about Kingsman was not getting caught - and here he was, thoroughly caught.

He had to get out of this himself.

And hope that Merlin just didn’t hit him with an amnesia dart and drop him back off home.

Eggsy never wanted to- _work_ \- Smith Street again. But unless he could somehow recover this situation, that’s where he’d be, once Kingsman wiped his memories and kicked him out.

Assuming, of course, he could even make it out of this situation alive in the first place.

Normally, that wouldn’t be a challenge. Eggsy’d been far more outgunned and outmanned before. But even motionless, breathing was a struggle. If he couldn’t get to his watch, one of their stun guns would do the job. He just needed to be able to get to them before they killed him.

Eggsy supposed the upside was that, considering how much he was already hurting, he doubted they’d be able to do much more.

Besides, it was better to die than give up Kingsman.

He would never risk Harry’s safety by giving that away.

TJ knelt down, grabbing hold of Eggsy’s hair and dragging his head up to look at him.

“Who do you work for?”

“I told you, bruv, I’m just looking to score-”

TJ’s face contorted momentarily, but then Dan spoke up from where he was, still behind Eggsy, hovering in the edge of his peripherals.

“He might have identification on him. We should check.”

Eggsy would’ve laughed, if he’d had the lung capacity to do so. Kingsman wasn’t stupid enough to give them ID cards saying “Hey, I’m a spy” written on them. Maybe he should pitch it at the next meeting. It might make Harry smile. Or laugh. Or stare at him in silence. Well, no matter what, it would drive Merlin up the wall, so it would be a win.

It wasn’t like that was a convincing argument, however. TJ let go of his hair, but Eggsy forced himself to keep his head up, waiting to see an opportunity to make a move.

Eggsy bit down on his already-splitting lips to avoid screaming as TJ pulled off his jacket, roughly yanking it off his right arm - the cufflinks catching on the broken skin of his hand and pulling for a moment before being ripped loose.

Eggsy shook his head, ignoring the splitting pain from doing so, as TJ rooted through the pockets. “You’re not going to find anything, ‘xcept some cash for the drugs. That’s all I’m here for, I swear.”

“Look, the boss said people’d be coming. If he says you were sent by someone, then you were.” TJ shot back, tossing the jacket aside.

Harry would have a fit if he saw the Kingsman suit being tossed around like that - the man once nearly had an aneurysm when Roxie’d come back from a mission, without her suit jacket. He got over it only after she explained that she had used it to lump a bunch of bombs together and lob them into a river.

Eggsy needed to make sure to get his jacket on the way out, then.

Every step he could make towards minimizing this fuck-up of a mission, the better.

“Well?” Dan prompted.

“There’s no ID in there.” TJ frowned

“See? I told you-” This time, Eggsy was cut off by a coughing fit, more blood hacking out of his lungs onto the floor. He was coughing so violently, the fresh waves of pain stole his breath, making him cough even more.

“Christ, shut up.” Dan slapped Eggsy on the back, making Eggsy double over, shaking and coughing so hard he was sure he was going to start coughing up actual pieces of his lungs next.

“Check his pockets.” TJ instructed.

Eggsy felt hands abruptly shove into his back pockets, and he flinched forwards, trying to separate himself from the hands currently feeling around his ass.

“Nothing here, either.” Dan said, even as his hands stayed in place. “Although,” Eggsy could practically hear the grin in his voice, “It is possible he could be hiding it under his clothes. We should check there, to. Just to be sure.”

Eggsy felt his face go red. He wasn’t ashamed of his body - far from it. The problem was more that he didn’t want _them_ to see him. He’d had far too many strangers compliment him, words kind but voice predatory. Not that Eggsy was a victim - he got paid just the same. But he’d walked away from that life.

And, he had sort of hoped the next person to look at him like that would be Harry.

Not that that was realistic - but either way, this wasn’t exactly how he wanted to show off his abs.

TJ went to rip open Eggsy’s shirt, but the buttons held - Eggsy couldn’t help but grin at that. Kingsman suits were the best for a reason, after all. Being bulletproof did make them kind of unrippable.

TJ snarled, but after a few more tries, began undoing the buttons one by one. The spots around the buttons were spotted with smears of red, Eggsy’s blood on his knuckles.

That would definitely piss off Harry.

Eggsy’s dress shirt fell open, and TJ sighed. “Nothing.” He didn’t sound particularly disappointed, though, and his hands, after checking around Eggsy’s back, kept roaming down his sides.

Eggsy wasn’t oblivious. He knew what was going on - he just really, really wished it wasn’t.

It wasn’t like he had the breath to protest, however. All he needed to do was get to the stun guns -

Dan had taken his hands out of Eggsy’s pockets, and was now reaching around to his front, undoing his suit trousers.

No, no, he didn’t want this. This wasn’t going to end well, it never did. People took one look at his body and it’s like they forget about… well, everything except themselves. He needed to get out of this, _now._

But there was nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to fight.

Nowhere to escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be VERY MUCH heed the tags guys - i know this is a slow start but I'm trying to build ~tension~ or whatever
> 
> comments r fun! pls do a consider :)


	4. Chapter 4

TJ unzipped his own trousers, and pulled out his already-hard cock. “Open up - and no biting.”

Eggsy turned his head to the side, renewing his efforts to escape by kicking out at Dan.

TJ hit him in the temple with his stun gun, making the world burst into an array of spotted colors, when it had already been dancing sickly from his previous encounter with the floor.

Eggsy felt oddly weak - he tried to use his hand to push against the ground, but it kept slipping - although that could have been from the blood - and he just… couldn’t seem to move. He blinked up slowly at TJ, vaguely remembering that something was going on.

His eyes focused in on the cock in front of him, and he frowned. He thought he wasn’t a rent-boy anymore, didn’t he do something else now? Oh, right. Kingsman. The memories hit Eggsy like a truck, and he felt his heart sink, if possible, even lower.

“Open, or I’ll make you.” TJ growled, one hand gripping his jaw.

Eggsy kept it resolutely shut, even as his body begged him to just make the pain stop. Harry would be disappointed in him if he just gave in.

“Yo, a little help here?” TJ asked over Eggsy.

Dan’s voice came up, even as his hands stayed roaming on Eggsy’s lower half. “I’ll make him scream - go for it then, alright?”

Eggsy’s eyes widened minutely, before he schooled his face into a mask, biting down on his already-mutilated lip to stop himself from the inevitable pain coming his way. He had to focus on something else instead.

He felt hands, bruisingly tight, grip his hips, and then… pain.

Eggsy couldn’t help it - he gasped out a groan, and in an instant TJ was inside his mouth. He went to bite down, hard, screw the consequences, but, as if the man knew what Eggsy was about to do, pointed the stun gun at Eggsy’s face.

“Electric shock to the head’ll short out your fucking brain. If it’s not busted already.”

Eggsy tried to force himself to relax, but then Dan began a rhythm, each dry thrust agonizing, while pushing Eggsy forward onto TJ’s cock, already cutting off his airway, at the same time.

Eggsy would have cried out from the pain, except he physically couldn’t. If he tried to get away from Dan, he would just choke himself further, and his he tried to pull back from TJ, he would only force Dan further inside him.

“God, such a -hg- good little fuck, aren’t you?” Dan moaned, rhythm picking up speed. A particularly hard thrust had him rocking onto TJ’s cock, and TJ let out a breath, hand tightening in Eggsy’s hair. “Oh, do that again.”

Dan obliged.

Eggsy felt himself start to distance from what was happening. The thrusts were still happening, the pain was still there, but it was muted, like he was pulling away from himself. Away from his body, which was still being ravaged so endlessly.

He couldn’t. Not now. Please, please not now. If he went out of it he wouldn’t be able to fight back. He wouldn’t be able to- he had to- he had to stay focused. But the pain was going away and Eggsy could feel himself getting pulled into it. Could feel the welcoming blankness.

Harry.

Eggsy tried to focus on that. On Harry.

Harry would be disappointed in him.

Not just because he’d gotten caught, because he’s getting - well. No, if Harry knew he hadn’t taken a chance to get out, because of something as trivial as pain… Eggsy wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes again.

That thought tugged at him, demanding he keep himself focused.

But then TJ pulled on Eggsy’s hair, and he couldn’t do it.

Eggsy blanked out.

And the pain stopped.

Eggsy realized TJ was coming. He pulled out with a groan, and, now unsupported, Eggsy fell forward onto his forearm, coughing and spitting out as much as possible.

The spell was broken - Eggsy didn’t know how long he had been gone, but the pain was now rapidly returning, and, judging by how raw his throat felt, they had been going for a while, seemingly without realizing he had left.

TJ grabbed his hair, hauling his face up. “I should make you lick that up, you bitch.”

“Mm, let me finish, first.” Dan gasped back. Every thrust no longer impaled Eggsy on a cock in his mouth, but instead made his arm, barely supporting him, slide through the blood on the ground, other one - the one without the watch - still pinned behind his back.

Dan’s pace became erratic, then stuttered to a halt. He slapped Eggsy’s ass, then pulled out, agonizingly slow, dropping Eggsy’s arm so he could stick his, probably bloody, cock back into his trousers.

“Damn, that was a good fuck.” He groaned, “Gonna have to ask the boss if we can keep him.”

Eggsy took a breath, and then forced all of his weight into a backwards kick. His foot made crunching contact with Dan’s genitalia, and Eggsy spun onto his back, hitting the floor hard, with a wet squelch. He pointed his watch first at Dan, sending a knockout dart, and then at TJ, smashing his broken hand onto the button as best he could.

Within moments, both were down.

Eggsy closed his eyes, breathing hard, trying to steel himself to get up and get into action. He needed to get up. He was going to get up now.

Harry.

Eggsy pushed himself into a sitting position, folding his legs and tried to stand, but staggered and sat heavily back down. He took another breath, then tried again. As he got to his feet, he felt something slippery and wet slide down his thighs - he wasn’t sure if it was Dan’s cum or his own blood, but it was probably both.

His ribs screamed at him, his body ached, everything just… hurt. His head was pounding, and he was well aware that he was veritably coated in blood. Still, he managed to fumble his trousers closed with just one left hand. His shirt buttons were another matter, and Eggsy quickly gave up on them, his shattered hand not exactly proving useful - just using it to push the button on his watch had caused pain to shoot up his entire arm.

Eggsy picked up his suit jacket, managing to sling it across one shoulder, and then force his hand through the other, gritting his teeth against the pain. He picked up the stun gun in TJ’s now-limp hand, something catching his eye on the floor.

It was the Kingsman glasses.

Shit.

Eggsy had forgot about the glasses transmission. He’d been so focused on hoping for a location, he’d forgotten that the transmission was possibly still functioning. But if they hadn’t come for him… 

Maybe they were broken. Maybe they - maybe _Harry_ hadn’t seen anything. That would be lucky.

Not that Eggsy was having very good luck, lately.

Still better than the alternative, which was that they had simply chosen to ignore what had happened - he had failed, after all. Eggsy knew he was being irrational, knew that he was allowing his emotions full reign, but he couldn’t seem to muster the energy to bring them in just the same.

Eggsy bent down to pick them up, groaning from the effort of motion as he did so. Being upright meant blood from his head injury was dripping into his eyes, and Eggsy brought up his left hand to clumsily wipe at it, before putting his glasses back onto his face.

They acted like normal glasses to him - no transmission on his side.

Not that they had been doing that before, anyway.

With his right arm covering his broken, bloody ribs, Eggsy began to trek across the warehouse towards the doors. He stepped over the bodies sprawled across the floor, trying not to stumble as he made his way to the exit.

He was clutching the stun gun in his left hand, it slippery from the blood coating it. He didn’t need to keep holding it, not really, but he couldn’t seem to make himself let go. Too paranoid to let go.

Eggsy knew he must have been a right sight on the street, blood on his face and clothes in disarray, so he stuck to the side-alleys, eventually working his way the pick-up spot a few blocks from the party.

The driver opened the door for him, and Eggsy slid into it, grimacing in pain. The driver didn’t say anything, but instead slammed down on the gas.

Eggsy blinked, and then they were at Kingsman HQ. The driver opened the door, and Eggsy hauled himself back to his feet, feeling badly about the blood that had soaked into the back and seat of the car.

Just another thing he had fucked up tonight.

Eggsy stumbled into the HQ, driver sending a quick message over a phone. _Probably medical_ , Eggsy thought, glancing down at his hands.

Blood caked across his back and arms from where he had pressed them against the floor, coated enough of his face that he heard it crackling as he opened his mouth to ask the driver a question, before closing it instead. His chest was a bruised, mottled mess, and deep bruises were forming in the shape of hands on his hips. His right hand was a mess, some of the bones in it definitely broken, his left still holding the stun gun, and both still covered in blood.

Eggsy heard a commotion, footsteps approaching rapidly, and he looked up.

Felt his heart stop for a beat.

It was Harry.

Harry, who was staring at him, a look of pure… distress. His eyes were wide, and he was mildly out of breath, as if he’d just sprinted down the halls.

“Eggsy,” He breathed, looking him over.

A few hours ago, Eggsy would have killed to have Harry look at him that way, eyes scanning every inch of him. Now, Eggsy was in too much pain to appreciate it.

All that might end now, though.

“Harry,” He had to tell him. He’d failed the mission. “I didn’t get the flashdrive.”

Harry looked up at him, face twitching with some emotion behind it, before looking down at Eggsy’s hands. His face fell further.

“Eggsy, why don’t you give me that, please.” Harry asked, voice soft. Eggsy blinked, the words almost painful in their gentleness, after so much harshness. Eggsy looked down, and then went to hand the stun gun to Harry, but couldn’t seem to bring himself to let go.

“Eggsy,” Harry said his name so slowly, voice patient, “I’ll take care of it. Let go of it, you don’t need it anymore. I’ll take care of you. I promise.”

Eggsy felt himself hand it over to Harry, vaguely aware that that meant Harry would have his blood all over his hands now. That wasn’t nice of Eggsy to do that to him. Eggsy felt himself sway slightly.

“I failed the mission. I couldn’t get the flashdrive.” Eggsy slurred, repeating himself, feeling the world dance around him. Harry was still just staring at him, eyebrows up and mouth slightly agape, a look of absolute dismay covering his features.

“‘m sorry.” Eggsy wanted Harry to understand. He was sorry he had failed the mission, sorry he had gotten overpowered, sorry he had gotten raped. “‘m sorry.” He repeated, as his legs gave out.

He felt strong arms catch him as he fell, gripping him firmly, pain sprouting up from his injuries they made contact with.

“The suit.” Eggsy said, “Blood.” It felt important to remind Harry of that. There was no point in Harry getting his all bloody, too.

“It’s alright, Eggsy. It’s alright.” Harry just pulled him closer, arms moving from purely supporting to a sort of hug, arms flexing around his back.

The world was spinning too much, and Harry’s arms felt secure.

Eggsy closed his eyes, and let himself melt into Harry's arms. Just this once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> people write fluff? rip but i'm different :D
> 
> if u liked it, consider leaving a comment! <3


	5. Chapter 5

The first time Eggsy woke up, Harry was holding his hand. He was lying in a bed, and everything was bright and moving. And everything _hurt_.

“‘ry?” Eggsy slurred, “‘s happening?”

“It’s okay, Eggsy. Everything’s going to be okay.” Harry said back.

“‘m sorry. Don’t leave me.” Eggsy muttered.

“I won’t.”

Eggsy closed his eyes.

\-----

The next time Eggsy woke up, it was to the blinding white that can only really be found inside a hospital.

He squinted against it, trying to sit up before groaning in pain, and aborting that motion immediately. He became slowly aware of a pressure on his arm, and, when he turned his head to the side - achingly slowly - he saw a hand.

Eggsy felt his heart jump into his throat, and he pulled away from it instantly, jerking his aching ribs and eliciting another groan of pain from his throat as he did so.

His eyes tracked down the hand, over the wrist, up the arm - clad in Kingsman suit as it only ever could be, here - and then to the face in question.

It was Harry.

Harry, who was currently quickly withdrawing said arm like he'd been burned, straightening his suit jacket and clearing his throat. Eggsy noticed that it was still blood-stained, and a pang of guilt hit him - just another thing he had ruined. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but Harry clearly hadn’t changed out of it, yet. His hands were no longer bloody, though, so he figured Harry must have had time to scrub Eggsy’s blood off of his skin.

Whatever open expression he had been wearing just a moment before was slammed off in an instant, cool, professional demeanor taking hold across his face.

Only his eyes looked off - pained, upset - but, Eggsy supposed, that was only to be expected. After all, he _had_ royally fucked up. He had failed his mission, not to mention gone and wrecked his suit…

“Eggsy. How are you feeling?” Harry asked, concern coloring his voice. His hands were gripped tightly, as if he was resisting the urge to reach out again. Eggsy already missed his touch.

Eggsy shifted up, grimacing and biting back the cry of pain on his tongue as it pulled on his ribs, and ached in his back and…

Eggsy felt himself stiffen.

He was in medical.

That meant…

Fuck.

They knew.

 _Harry_ knew.

Harry _knew_. He knew what had happened. He knew Eggsy had gotten… he didn’t want to think about it. Didn’t want to think about it. Or think about how Harry _knew_ which meant now he knew and he knew what it meant which is that _Harry knew_ …

Eggsy became slowly aware of Harry’s voice echoing in his mind.

“-sy? Eggsy, breathe. Please, breathe for me, Eggsy.” He heard Harry speaking to him almost frantically, and Eggsy forced himself to suck in a breath. It burned his lungs, and Eggsy wondered how long he had been half-sitting, half-laying there, staring at Harry with wide, unblinking eyes.

“‘arry?” Eggsy forced his eyes to close, and then reopen, focusing on Harry’s face.

“Are you alright? Are you in pain?” Harry asked concernedly.

Eggsy shook his head. “‘m fine.”

They lapsed into silence, save for the beeping from one of the machines behind Eggsy, and Eggsy chewed the inside of his mouth, not sure what to say. Waiting for Harry to speak.

Finally, he broke the silence. “The flashdrive-”

“Don’t, don’t worry about that.” Harry frowned. He looked pained. “That’s no longer your concern.”

Eggsy felt his stomach drop. No. Of course it wasn’t his concern - he probably wasn’t even Kingsman, anymore. Not after he had fucked up so badly.

“I see.” Was all he said, fingers clenching in the pristine white sheets in an attempt to reign his emotions under control. “I understand entirely. When will I be leaving?” He didn't want to cry - not now, not when he was already so fucking weak. Kingsman was his dream, he didn't want to give it - give _Harry_ \- up.

Harry’s eyebrow twitched. He looked pained. “You’re not leaving. Merlin hasn’t given you the all-clear, and we can’t send an injured Kingsman on another mission.”

“Oh.” Now Eggsy didn’t understand. “So… I’m still… in the program? Even though I… messed up.”

Harry looked at him, and Eggsy felt stupid. Of course, Eggsy, go and remind Harry exactly how much he fucked up. Brilliant job of it.

“Of course.” Harry said, frown fully in place. “Unless… you don’t want to?”

“Of course I do!” Eggsy said quickly, “I just thought… I mean, the flashdrive-”

Harry sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. He still looked impeccable, although Eggsy noticed the bags under his eyes.

“It’s being taken care of. My - our - concern right now, is you. And your… recovery.”

Eggsy nodded slowly. Harry was still staring at him, absolutely, singularly-focused on him - it actually made him a bit uncomfortable, actually, to be looked at and so absolutely _seen_.

He looked away - it was too much - and after a moment, he heard Harry sit back, crummy plastic chair screeching slightly.

“So, uh, how long have you been here?” Eggsy asked lightly.

“Since you were admitted.” Harry said quietly.

Eggsy force himself to look up and meet Harry’s gaze. He didn’t sound arrogant, or expectant, or frustrated… just, surprisingly sad.

Eggsy might have been reading too much into it, but it made him feel warm just the same.

“Oh.”

They sat in silence for a bit longer.

“Thank you.” Eggsy said suddenly, eyes fixing onto the bright white sheets. “For, uh, for letting me stay on Kingsman. And… for staying here. I… thanks.” He finished lamely, unsure of what else to say. How to express his feelings - thankfully, Eggsy had managed to swallow them down so far, so it wasn’t much of an issue to push them down now.

Even with Harry looking at him so openly.

Eggsy sank back into the bed, unable to hide the wince as he did so.

Harry reached forwards, about to touch, but then his hand hovered, before redirecting to smooth down a piece of the sheet.

“You should rest.” He said firmly, though with an edge of softness that Eggsy craved to hear more of.

Eggsy meant to say something more - ask a question, tell him it was okay to touch him, he didn’t mind. He _wanted_ Harry’s touch - but he was asleep before he could muster the courage to do so.

\----

The next time Eggsy woke up, he was alone.

The chair Harry had been sitting in was pushed against the wall, precisely in place. There was no sign he had ever even been there to begin with, and Eggsy couldn’t quite remember what had even happened, or if it had happened at all.

Eggsy pulled himself into a sitting position, taking stock of the various aches in his body. It hurt a bit to breathe, his ribs complaining against any and all movement, no matter how slight. His throat was sore, and Eggsy grimaced to think of why. His lower back ached, and just shifting slightly sent a shock of pain ricocheting up his spine. Eggsy _definitely_ didn’t want to think of why that hurt, either.

So, instead, Eggsy just swung his legs over the side of the bed, gathered his strength, and got to his feet.

Blinding pain shot through him, knees buckling underneath his suddenly exorbitant weight. Eggsy grabbed onto the bedrail, closing his eyes against the sudden, dizzyingly spotting world around him.

He slowly sat back down, taking care not to slip - the last thing he wanted was to remind Harry how absolutely useless he was - and inched back onto the bed, eyes still screwed shut against the way the world spun with each move of his body.

Once he was back onto the bed, he swung one leg back onto it, then the other. The motion made his body ache even further, and Eggsy pretended not to notice the slight spotting of blood on his dressing gown that had appeared after his little stunt.

Eggsy laid back down, absolutely exhausted after this slight attempt at motion, and felt his eyes slip closed.

He was so tired.

Eggsy wondered where Harry had gone. If he’d ever even been there to begin with, or if it had just been his subconscious, craving Harry’s presence like a drug.

Eggsy couldn’t ponder it too much, however, because within moments he was already falling asleep.

Not that his dreams were much a respite from reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> harry: stays at Eggsy's side devotedly  
> eggsy: wakes up  
> harry: mmkay peace out
> 
> i am comment gremlin! :D  
> had a rough month, didn't get a chance to update pretty much any fic for a few weeks smh. glad to be back :)


	6. Chapter 6

Harry was turning the stun gun over in his hands. There were congealed, bloody handprints where Eggsy had been clutching it, desperately tightly, the only defense he had had, were beginning to peel off.

Harry swore he could still see red tinged under his fingernails. He didn’t know what to think. Wasn’t sure if he even was thinking, right now. There were too many emotions bubbling under the surface. Concern for Eggsy’s wellbeing, relief at his waking up, guilt at having touched Eggsy’s arm and upset him - way to make it all about himself, Harry - but still, one seemed to be taking firm control of the situation.

Rage.

Blinding, absolute rage.

He hadn’t felt this much… desire to kill, desire to _hurt_ , since the Church.

Harry didn’t like to think about that time - it made him feel sick to think of all the violence he inflicted. He felt no such illness now. All he wanted to do was destroy the men who had…

Harry leaned back in his chair, placing a hand over his eyes and breathing deeply, struggling to retain his composure. The side of his head, where Valentine had shot him, ached with phantom pain. He didn’t want to think about what had happened to Eggsy, but, well, it wasn’t like he’d had a choice.

He’d seen it himself.

“It’s too high-quality.”

Harry’s head shot up, fixing on Merlin, who had appeared at some point. For a spy, Harry wasn’t paying much attention to his surroundings.

“What?” He asked dumbly.

“The gun. It’s too high-quality. A bunch of low-level drug dealers wouldn’t have that kind of tech.” Merlin was frowning down at the device in Harry’s hands.

Harry blinked. He hadn’t even noticed it. Hadn’t even really registered the gun at all, in a physical sense. He was just holding it because it was something to do. Because Eggsy had been.

Hm. He was distracted.

Merlin sat down next to him, face softening minutely in sympathy.

“It’s not your fault, Harry.”

“Never said it was.” Harry replied coldly. Sharper than he meant to.

“Look,” Merlin sounded uncomfortable, “Eggsy knew-”

At the sound of the young man’s name, Harry swiveled, glaring at Merlin. “I warned you, I _warned_ you sending him in alone without backup, without information, was the wrong move. And now he’s…” Harry grimaced, gesturing vaguely towards the med bay. “I should have done more to convince you of it.”

Merlin looked pained, but spoke resolutely. “There wasn’t another option, we both knew that. He did, too.”

“There’s always another option!” Harry shot back, voice raising. After a moment, he forced it back down. “That was improper of me to say. I understand the logistics, I just…”

“I know.” Merlin replied, not unkindly. “He knew the risks. We all did.”

“This wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. I doubt he would have, either.” Harry added bitterly.

“Nor I.” Merlin admitted.

“We still need to get the flashdrive.” Harry said suddenly.

“Yes.” Merlin leaned back slightly. “I expect you’ll want-”

“Yes.” Harry stood up abruptly. “I’ll take care of it. Now that we’ve been compromised, and without Eggsy-” His voice caught on the name - “without him, we can’t blend in. So, no point in trying to.”

“Very well.” Merlin didn’t argue. “Since the glasses are cracked, we don’t have any surveillance. Whatever you do… well, there won’t be any evidence. Unfortunately.” His voice was hard.

Harry belatedly realized that Merlin most likely felt a sense of responsibility over Eggsy, as well. He was grateful for it, even as a shot of possessiveness stabbed into him at the thought of his friend laying claim to the man. That was immediately followed by a sense of guilt - Eggsy wasn’t property, nor was Harry entitled to him. Especially not now. Not after everything that had just happened.

Harry wanted nothing more than to be next to Eggsy, right now, lend his presence as the only kind of comfort he could offer.

But he had a mission to complete.

Harry had waited until Eggsy had woken up, had been cognizant enough to react to his surroundings. Now that he knew Eggsy was going to live - even if the frankly brutal beating he took had tried to do otherwise - Harry was able to leave without feeling… well, _quite_ as guilty, anyway.

The flashdrive was too important, too critical, to ignore. Eggsy would survive, other people might not. It was a simple calculation, really, one that Merlin had found himself reaching the moment it became clear Eggsy had been unable to retrieve the target. Harry knew the numbers as well, but the fact that it was _Eggsy_ made the numbers more difficult to swallow.

Still, Harry reflected, he would be able to recover the flashdrive and have a _chat_ with those… calling them people seemed inaccurate. Merlin’s reminder there would be no documentation did give him the sense that the Scott backed him up. Harry would be sure to take full advantage of that particular fact.

After a quick trip to the armory, Harry strode to the driveway, where a taxi was idling. He had abandoned the stun gun in favor of his own, more elegant weaponry, and he relaxed minutely at the familiar weight of guns and tech on his body. Of course, he was a bit too angry to truly be gentlemanly, but he was able to pretend he was. For now.

He had kept on the same suit, bloodstained as it was. He hadn’t thought to change it, and it somehow seemed wrong to do so now. Like it would be pretending nothing had happened. That this was just some ordinary mission.

Harry unlatched the taxi door, then hesitated. The last words he said to Eggsy, before he had gone on his mission, before he’d been hurt, rang in his ears. _I’ll be seeing you back once the mission is over._

Harry would be seeing Eggsy shortly after this. Once he was… done… with this particular mission, he would be heading directly back to the med bay. If Merlin wanted a report, he could come to him.

As he got into the taxi, and it pulled away, Harry couldn’t help but feel a thrill of twisted anticipation. His fury was roiling just beneath his skin, waiting to be unleashed onto those that had hurt his- that had hurt Eggsy.

He would not take time to relish in the violence - he never did. The infliction of torture was not to his tastes, and even if he were to havethe desire he, quite frankly, just didn’t have the time. The sooner he took care of the situation, the sooner he could return back to HQ. To Eggsy.

He would tell the driver to go faster, save that he was certain the man was already flooring it.

It seemed that the drivers, as well as Merlin, had taken a shine to their youngest Kingsman.

Harry walked to the warehouse, giving a cursory glance to assess his surroundings. It was still dark - the sun would be rising soon, but hopefully the little gang hadn’t decided to pick up and leave just yet.

Harry slipped inside the warehouse.

It was strange, in a sort of dissociated way.

There was spatters of red where Eggsy had walked out the very door Harry was entering. A streaked, coagulated pool of blood in the distance, as well as the still forms of two people.

Harry felt a surge of rage.

He wasn’t exactly aware of moving, but then he was standing over the men who had hurt Eggsy - Eggsy, one of the only truly _good_ people Harry knew.

His gun was drawn, pointed directly at one of their heads. They were both dead - clearly had been, and recently as well. But it wasn’t Kingsman.

Still, Harry kept his gun drawn, walking towards the way the gang leader had gone in Eggsy’s glasses feed. He was simultaneously relieved, and guilty for feeling relieved, that Eggsy’s glasses had broken when they were forcibly removed. Although Harry knew more or less exactly what had happened, to know of something and to see it personally were two very different things.

Not to mention, he couldn’t imagine how Eggsy would feel about if he and Merlin _had_ seen what had happened.

Harry opened the door in front of him, stepping inside, guns drawn.

The man who had been in charge of this little operation was clearly in the act of scrambling. Drugs and money were piled unceremoniously in half-filled box containers, and he was almost manic. When he looked up and saw Harry, he quickly ducked behind a box.

Harry could see the glimmer of at least one gun pointed in his direction.

“I saw what happened to your friends out there. That you?” He asked casually.

“Yeah, man. Look, we aren’t selling-”

“I’m not here to buy. I’m here about a flashdrive.”

“Ha, you and half of London, man.” The guy replied. “It’s been bringing us nothing but trouble. You want it? Dude, just… just take it.” He pointed to what appeared to be an envelope on a table slightly to his left.

Harry kept his eyes on the man as he walked over to it, picking it up and inspecting it in his grip. Definitely a flashdrive.

“How do I know it’s the right one?”

“We’re a fucking drug op, dude. We don’t do digital. That’s the only tech in this entire fucking place.”

“Except for those stun guns of yours.” Harry said coldly.

“The…” The man paused, “How do you-?”

“You hurt someone I care about.” Harry said, voice dangerous.

“Are you talking about that short dude?”

Harry leveled his gun at the man’s head.

“Hey, hey, look man,” He wheedled, “I didn’t tell them to do that shit. Hell, I killed them for it! I don’t condone fa-”

Harry shot him between the eyes. He hadn’t wanted to give him the out of a quick death. He wanted him to suffer. But, of course, the sooner this was over… the sooner Harry could go back to him. See Eggsy again.

And maybe it was selfish of him, but Harry didn’t care.

Harry checked the envelope, verifying that it did in fact contain a flashdrive. It did.

He turned around sharply, leaving almost as quickly as he had arrived. In and out, less than five minutes.

If the driver stepped on it, maybe he’d get back in time for Merlin to verify the drive was the real deal before Eggsy tried to sneak his way out of medbay to finish his mission.

He had done it before, and he would never do it again - if Harry had anything to say about it.

Of course, Harry himself had done that exact same thing dozens of times, but he chose to ignore that fact.

Still, Harry felt oddly unsatisfied as he got back into the taxi. Sure, he had been the utmost in efficiency, and was on his way back to Kingsman HQ at that very moment. Which was where Eggsy was.

But he wished he could have done something in vengeance. Not even in a selfless, doing it for the sake of avenging Eggsy kind of way, but rather in a self-serving way of getting rid of someone who had dared to hurt someone he cared about, dared to so much as touch him without permission.

Harry found himself equal parts relieved and disappointed by the fact that the two men were already dead when he arrived. Disappointed, because he would have very much liked to hurt them. And relieved, because he was afraid of what he might unleash if he _had_ hurt them. The memory of the Church lingered under his skin, and Harry didn't want to become that ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> harry went on a revenge quest but didn't get to really do any revenging :( that totally won't cause an internal conflict or anything :)
> 
> comments are great! reminder that comments telling me to hurry up/update faster are not appreciated :D


	7. Chapter 7

Harry arrived back at the headquarters, and managed to make it about two thirds of the way to the medbay before he felt his feet stop moving.

He was too angry.

He hadn't even been watching where he was going, not really, striding through the halls on muscle memory alone. All he could see was red.

They were dead.

Eggsy was alive.

Harry was back. He could see him now.

But Harry was just so angry.

He didn’t particularly want Eggsy to see him in such a state. It would be unfair.

Instead, Harry sidetracked, going down a separate hallway to an empty section of the building - with so many of their agents dead, there were quite a few empty rooming quarters. Once inside one - Harry grimaced, it had been Bedivere’s, how he missed the man, even if he did die from those stupid head bombs of Valentine’s - he carefully closed the door.

Then he turned, surveying the room with a critical eye. An empty bookshelf, a neatly tucked bed, and a desk with a lamp, a few blank notepads and a bland mug full of writing tools… all boring things with no actual sentimentality, no _meaning_ to them. None gathering dust, but all clearly having never been touched. After the old Kingsmen died, their rooms had been summarily wiped of anything personal, leaving only the empty slate behind. Waiting for a new Kingsman to fill it.

Of course, there weren’t any new Kingsman, right now.

If there had been, none of this would have happened.

With a snarl, Harry shoved everything off the desk, letting it crash to the floor. He stomped down upon the lamp, relishing in the sound of the splintering glass bulb.

Harry wasn’t sure how many times he brought his foot down onto the stupid little thing, but at some point the glass had been ground into dust. He grimaced, stepping back and appraising the damage.

Sure, the items from on top of the desk were broken, destroyed.

But he knew that by this time tomorrow, everything would be fixed, good as new. Even the little scratches on the wood floor would have been patched - or even the entire floor replaced - and there would be no sign anything ever happened.

How easy it was for them, to just… remove signs of existence.

Harry knew that when he died, Kingsman would do the same to him. Erase all evidence, to the smallest molecule of dust, in order to pick a replacement authentically.

He had no problem with that - he always knew it would happen, didn’t mind the fleetingness of his own existence. It was a comfort more than anything.

But, Harry also knew that the day Eggsy died, they would do the same thing. Sure, maybe not the _exact_ day, but the fact was… everything would be removed. Harry would be expected to not notice the man’s discontinued existence, pretend that he’d never heard the name, that there was only the role of a Kingsman, not the existence of the man.

That Eggsy’s presence, from his, quote, ‘dapper’ hats, to his sharp tongue, to his odd balance of optimistic realism and purposeful wonderment, would all me scrubbed away until the only proof he ever existed would be in the recollection - which Harry would be supposed to ignore, so as to not influence the future Kingsmen who would one day replace him.

Eggsy hadn’t died.

Harry let out a slow breath, leaning his back against the wall - allowing his posture to slip for the first time in who even knew how long - bringing up one hand to cover his face.

Eggsy hadn’t died.

Everything was fine.

Eggsy was alive.

Harry brought down his hand, letting out a huff when he saw the damage he had caused - he’d make sure to make it up to the cleaning staff later - before straightening his suit. He noticed the splotches of blood that were spattered across it, seeming to remember for the first time that he was still wearing the thing.

He blinked, before facing forward and departing the room, closing the door smartly after him.

Harry would fix his attire before visiting Eggsy - it would be distasteful to remind him of what had transgressed, out of his own laziness.

Not to mention, the smell of dried and drying blood was distinctly distasteful, and he knew Merlin - although he had been stoically allowing Harry to blindly crash his way through an op and the HQ - would not be so willing to give him a pass the second time around.

They had standards to maintain.

What’s more, Harry didn’t really need anyone - even if it was merlin - questioning why he took the injury of Eggsy so much harder than, say, the murder of his compatriots. Or getting shot in the head. Or being forced to kill an entire Church full of people - even if they weren’t exactly good people by his, or really anyone’s standards - which had messed with his head more than he was really willing to admit.

So, with a brief nod to the cleaning staffer, already making their way past him, he walked off to the direction of his own quarters.

Harry made quick work of switching into clean, bloodless clothing, before quickly heading back to the medbay, doing up his cufflinks as he walked - he had disregarded his tie, letting it simply hang around his neck on either side like a badly done scarf.

Before Harry even reached the med room, he heard Eggsy’s voice.

He sped up, rounding the corner and nearly colliding with Merlin, who was evidently blocking the doorway as Eggsy attempted to leave.

“I’m fine, Merlin!” Eggsy’s voice was scratchy, and although he was clearly aiming for indignance, the underlying pleading bled through his tone.

Harry smoothly stepped into the room, Merlin allowing him to pass by.

Eggsy was standing, mostly, leaning heavily on the bedrail and trying in vain to conceal the effort.

“Eggsy?” Harry asked sharply.

Eggsy’s gaze snapped up to him, the outrage with the underlying fear vanishing into a look of absolute guilt.

Harry’s tone softened. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Eggsy said, putting on a grin - even as his eyes stayed too wide as he looked up at him.

“No, you’re not, you need to rest.” Merlin replied automatically, “Now get back into bed.”

“I can do that in my quarters, I don’t need to be here anymore.”

“Eggsy-” Merlin began, but Harry cut him off.

“I don’t see why he couldn’t go back to his quarters. It’s only down the hall.”

Merlin cast him a glare, but Harry didn’t care - it was worth it to see the way Eggsy’s face lit up at Harry’s backing him up.

“We need to keep an eye on him,” Merlin said gruffly, voice final.

“I’ll watch him.” Harry replied automatically, before snapping his mouth shut, glancing at Eggsy. He hadn’t exactly volunteered for a babysitter, and the young man most likely wanted to be alone-

“That’d be great, yeah.” Eggsy said immediately, before giving puppy eyes to Merlin.

Harry internally groaned at how sweet the sight was, before clamping down on his feelings, hard.

Merlin grimaced, before finally muttering, “Fine, fine. But I expect you to call me if anything goes wrong, got it?”

“Absolutely.” Harry said smoothly, before turning his attention to Eggsy. “Shall we?”

“Yeah, sure thing.” Eggsy replied, getting to his feet. Harry pretended not to notice how his legs nearly buckled before he regained control.

“Merlin, a gift.” Harry said, tossing him the envelope. Merlin caught it, eyebrow raised as he opened it and checked inside. His face lit up into a rare smile.

“Ah, the drive!” Merlin said, dour mood lifting momentarily. “I’ll get back to you on this.”

Veritable toy in hand, Merlin departed, and Harry turned back to Eggsy, dropping the nonchalance.

“Here, Eggsy, allow me.” Harry reached out - slow enough that Eggsy could pull away if he wanted to - and bent his arm so that Eggsy was able to place his weight onto it.

Eggsy obliged, although he had gone oddly quiet - Harry hoped it wasn’t from pain. He was already regretting siding with Eggsy on the matter, he would do better in the medbay. But, well, he could never seem to say no to the young man, especially when he sounded so nervous.

The pair walked down the hall, their pace significantly slower than it would normally be - although Eggsy was trying to conceal it, it was quite clear that he was getting exhausted.

Harry deliberated for a moment, deciding whether or not to ask Eggsy if he wanted a break, but then Eggsy’s door was in front of them, and he was opening it with his free hand.

“Home sweet home.” Eggsy said blithely, as the pair made their way to his bed. JB was jumping around their feet, a bundle of energy, as Harry deposited Eggsy onto the bed, before stepping back.

JB immediately jumped onto the bed, and Harry smiled awkwardly before he beelined for a nearby chair. He was loathe to leave Eggsy alone - promises to Merlin aside - but he felt that the man wanted space, and he was more than willing to accommodate him.

Anything to make him more comfortable.

“Hey, Harry?” Eggsy asked. He was still fixed on JB, showering him with ear scratches, but his voice was quiet. “You got the flashdrive?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.” A pause. “Did… what did you do?”

“They’re dead.” Harry replied coldly.

Eggsy looked up to him, eyes flashing with concern. “Tell me you didn’t, Harry. Don’t tell me you lost control again.” _Like in the Church._ It was unspoken, but very clear.

“No, no, the two of them who… attacked you were already dead. I just killed their little leader. One bullet.”

“Oh. Good.” Eggsy looked relieved at the fact that Harry hadn’t maimed anyone.

There was another pause, as Eggsy resumed petting JB.

“I wanted to.” Harry admitted. “If they hadn’t already been dead, I… I would’ve _tortured_ them.” He didn’t know why he was admitting to it - he’d just put Eggsy at ease, after all, but he felt compelled to be truthful about it.

Eggsy was silent for a moment. “I know.” He said finally, “But you didn’t. So it doesn’t matter.”

Harry wasn’t sure how Eggsy was able to view it so clean-cut like that, still naive he supposed, but he wasn’t going to push him on it. Not when forgiveness from his rage was essentially being offered to him.

There wasn’t a lot of support for not going extreme in this job.

Eggsy was quiet again, and, when Harry allowed himself to look over at him, saw that he was asleep, JB sprawled against his side.

Harry’s heart twisted at the sight, of the vulnerability that was so clear-cut in every line of Eggsy’s body.

He wanted nothing more than to take Eggsy into his arms and offer him solace from the horrendous existence that comprised reality.

Offer a reprieve from the impending day when his room, too, was empty and barren, like Eggsy had never been there. Harry hoped with everything he had that he would never have to see Eggsy be erased.

But instead of doing any of that, Harry remained at his place, keeping vigil.

Doing the only thing he could do - protect - to the little he was able.


End file.
